I figured it out! It is supposed to work that way. You need to press the smart home button for 3 seconds (not 6). It will turn on the remote control ability on the machine - your phone will reflect that. Would have been so simple for the app to tell you this, or for the instruction manual to tell you this, but no, I spent 2 hours messing with it. Anyway, after the load finishes, the smart home control turns off automatically, so I guess you have to set it any and every time you want to manage the cycle with your phone.
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